No animals were harmed in the writing of this entry

Cat wrestling. Ain't it grand? As a result of our Secret Cat's recent trip to the vet, we have some tablets to give her.

[Total sidetrack here - when the vet rang up he told me that he hadn't been able to detect any worms in her poop sample, but he'd like to give her some antibiotics which would also be effective against giardia. At this point I had a moment of pure nerd-like enthusiasm for my study, since I knew that he would almost certainly be giving her metronidazol, an antibiotic which is effective against anaerobic bacteria in the gut and against giardia! I was so happy when I checked the side of the vial of tablets and I was right!]

You need to know at this point that our Secret Cat is very small. She weighs less than 3 kilos. (Not sure what this is in imperial measurements, but it's roughly 12 furlongs I think) She isn't emaciated or absurdly lean or lacking any body parts, she's just scaled down. Think of the most beautiful Burmese cat you've ever seen. Now imagine looking at that cat from a distance. That's what our cat looks like.

Anyway, the reason it's important that our cat is very small is that these tablets are very very large. I think they would be uncomfortable for ME to swallow. They are about a centimetre across at least (that's eight-twelfths of a dram for you Americans). Maybe these things are designed for horses, but it seems grossly unfair to expect a cat to swallow something roughly the width of her neck.

In any case, our cat is extremely averse to taking tablets. My Smaller Half and I really struggle to get anything into her. Among previous adventures are:

• Her biting through my mother's thumbnail when my mother tried to demonstrate how easy it was to get cats to take tablets. (This is even more amazing when you remember that the Secret Cat has only three teeth, none of which oppose each other in the mouth)
  
• My father being unable to administer a tablet despite his agricultural certainty that no animal would defy him (I think my father had a 30-fold weight advantage, although the Secret Cat outdid him in volume, going up to 11 at least).
• Us totally chickening out and taking her to an emergency vet so the vet would make her take the tablet. The vet vanished into the back room and came back in about 3 seconds, assuring us that it was very easy! What!!?? Maybe the vet misunderstood and took the tablet herself! Or maybe she thought it was a suppository? Hmm...

But these days we use the Tripartite Method suggested by my sister, who is a vet. The three arms of the Method are:

1. Wrap the cat in a towel so it can't fight back with its claws.
2. Coat the tablet in butter so it slides down the hatch easily.
3. Once the tablet is in the cat's mouth (ha ha, he laughs hysterically, it all sounds so easy) hold the cat firmly and leap into the air several times, causing the cat to reflexively swallow.

And it works! Astonishing!

Although to be honest it does require a few extra steps, such as:
1a: Take off your expensive woollen top which has just had all the threads pulled out of it and wrap the cat even more firmly in the towel.
2a through 2j: Pick the tablet up from where cat just spat it and start again.
2k: Resolve argument with partner about exactly how the cat should be restrained, and exactly what is the best way to pop the tablet into the cat's mouth, and why the person currently responsible for performing said task seems to be so inept at it.
3a: Wash your wounds thoroughly and apply pressure to quell the bleeding.
3b: Apologise profusely to the cat and promise to never do it again.
3c: Repeat for 2 weeks.